Quarter-life Crisis?

Mr. R took me spelunking for my birthday, and before I left for the weekend, I gave three boys the task of finding out what "spelunking" meant. They were told if they brought back their research on Tuesday, then I'd give them a treat. Well, J, OF COURSE, brought it back with a website print-out of what spelunking was (his mom is a fellow educator). He was so estatic about it that I called his mom to thank her for letting him look it up. She thanked me for challenging him. :)

Currently, I am going through what I call my quarter-life crisis. It's no secret that this year has been very, very taxing on my sanity and mental health. I signed up to be a teacher-- not a babysitter or a nanny. If I wanted the latter, then I would have just applied at the local daycare center or put up an ad on Craigslist.

My passion is for teaching. Teaching knowledge and life skills. My number one priority should be academic success, not behavior management. On my first-of-the-year evaluation, the administration decided to dock me for behavior management without an footnote saying that, "She does have 17 ADHD-like boys and 4 girls in a classroom with no walls where students and teachers alike walk through/by all day." There was no docking last year on any evaluation. Hmm, so I didn't have an issue last year, but I do now? Explain the logic how you pedal backwards with experience, please. Where's my footnote? Give me my dang footnote!!!

It's only year two, and I feel like I have been teaching for 30 years. I just don't feel as pumped as I do during the summer when I teach gifted kids. At camp, I TEACH for hours on end because I am ABLE to. I don't have to worry about students getting up or talking during my lesson or shouting out inappropriate comments. It's hard to see the ah-ha moments when five students at a time can't remain seated to tell me a non-emergency (i.e., "He knocked my pencil off my desk.")

Well, we know that I'm stubborn enough to not announce to the world my doubts unless I have a potential solution to the problem. And this week that potential solution made an appearance.

Our school has now converted to an online gradebook this year. To make a unnecessary long story shorter, I found an error in the grade calculation formula. I don't know what exact formula it is, but students' Reading grades were showing up much lower than deserved (e.g., an N(eeds Improvement) turned into a U(nsatisfactory).). I talked to our TRT, Ms. B, and she took down a work order for it. Well, we got to talking and she asked me, "Why did you go into teaching?" I said, "Huh?" in response because at first, I was like why WOULDN'T I go into teaching.

"No, why didn't you go into technology? With all your tech background and you're quick with everything... it doesn't make sense."

I was honest and said that I didn't always like that most people that I had worked with in the past (especially grad school) were emotionally 2-D and it made it awkward to work with. I just don't know what to do. I know I have many skills and ideas, but I don't know how to execute any of them.

Well, she laughed and then gave me some epiphany-provoking advice. I could be a trainer for software and fly to different places to teach people. I could become a TRT.

A TRT (technology resource teacher). BAM! Epiphany struck. Why wouldn't I?? I would still be in the educational world. I would still indirectly help the students. I wouldn't have to worry about behavior management since I wouldn't have my own classroom. I would get to utilize my experience in another way. I would still get paid as a teacher, and quite possibly still get my Perkins loans forgiven for being in a low-income district. I would be a better wife when I get married next year because I wouldn't have all the stress and anxiety my students tend to rise up in me (it would be a different kind of stress). And last but not least, I would still get my summers off so I could still teach at gifted camp.

The timing was right. And out of the conversation with Ms. B (to whom I am indebted for such encouragement), I got a projector and laptop for my classroom (to build up my digital portfolio by having more technology use in the classroom). I've been trying to get those since last year!!

I'm praying that this is the solution to my quarter-life crisis because then at least I would have a destination/end in mind, and I could work towards that.

To end with a funny quote from R (who seems to be my random funny kid this year despite his slight speech impediment)... "I just know God can change my behavior!!" (This was probably the first time he didn't mention Storm Troopers or anything Star Wars-related. haha)

-- Miss Chelsea :)