Once upon a time...

... there lived a young woman who loved children, pandas, and cereal. She wanted to change the world one student at a time and to foster lifelong learners... because that's just what damsels like to do. She swore she would never make a child grow up too fast since that is what happened to this young woman, too. She would be protector of students' rights and dreamed of finding a dashing gentleman with the same ideals of wanting to help others, standing up for the little, and eating chocolate chip cookies when necessary.

But, one day, a scaly, fire-breathing dragon stormed into town, squashing the base-10 blocks and the ever-so popular Matter Matters game (cleverly thought up by our heroine). Children shrieked and scattered, but our heroine stood tall, brandishing her purple Crayola marker and perfected teacher stare.

"Never will you destroy these young minds! They need life in their education! Be gone!" she cried with her palm waving in the monster's face.

The dragon roared and hissed. "FUN!? I do not like this FUN! I have contracts to keep and appearances to make! Things to destroy!"

"You will have to find somewhere else to meet your requirements! They are not welcomed here, and I shall banish you with... with..."

From out of some misty fog yonder, a dashing gentleman (just the very one that we hoped for!) rode onto the scene on a dappled-gray horse named Specks. The horse neighed and whinnied, letting its mane ruffle in the wind. It was quite the dramatic entrance. Moreso for the pony.

"What goes on here?" he exclaimed after giving the trademark cool kid nod and wink to the young woman.

"This dragon threatens these children's love for school and all things educational!"

"WHAT! That cannot be done!" he yelled and pulled a large soccer whistle out of his saddlebag.

The dragon roared and stomped on some more money games and missing addends flashcards. "Educational FUN is bad!!" The dragon was quite testy now and becoming a big headache for our heroine.

"You know what, you're giving me a headache with your ranting, dragon. Make it easy on yourself and just go weave on a loom or something."

This really ticked off the dragon and, with one fell swoop, snatched up the damsel in its grimy claws. Smoke seeping out of its fiery nostrils. "What did you say to me?! I can squeeze you to pieces!! You'll never have FUN again, now will you!?"

Now the gentleman gasped in horror at the monstrosity, and since his lady friend was in distress, knew he had to resort to the ultimate secret weapon. He blew the whistle and hollered...

"DAMSEL IS IN TROUBLE, KIDS!! She's in trouble!! It's Dragon Playtime!! Let's see who can measure its length first!!"

Out of the woodworks, kids of seven and eight years of age poured into the streets and flooded the dragon's feet. They swarmed the dragon, spinning yarn, measuring tapes, and other educational math tools around and around. The dragon huffed and puffed, waving its smoky arms (with damsel in tact, of course, causing her to not only have a headache, but a little bit of a stomachache).

Kids were squealing with delight as they whipped their tapes and tools around. A few scrambled up the dragon's belly and started a little rumble with each other because of someone moving their measuring tape two inches off. The gentleman corralled the oncoming giggling children with determination. Within ten minutes, the dragon was soon overtaken by the immensity of children and their fun, and its body soared to the ground.

The dragon's claws ripped through the air, trying to grasp onto anything... and the damsel went sailing down towards the sea of youth. The gentleman leapt onto his mighty steed and galloped towards the falling damsel. Into his arms, she landed with perfect ease and grace.

"The children! How will we ever know who got the correct measurement!?" the damsel cried.

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a darn," he grinned and gave her a dreamy rated-G smooch.

The children cheered as they played on the dragon's legs and used its tummy as a Moon Bounce. One little boy ran up to the damsel and gentleman, waving his torn measuring tape in the air, "I want to learn forever, Miss Damsel and Mr. Gentleman! Learning is fun!"

They smiled at each other, pleased at their conquest. No dragon would ever ruin the children's education again. As soon as all the children were picked up by their parents, the two rode off into the dusky sunset, awaiting their next adventure... but until then, they lived happily ever after.

The End.

By Miss Chelsea :)

Money, money, money.

Even though I rock at Skee Ball, going to Chuck E. Cheese's for a fundraiser night right after school did not set me running. The kids who were able to attend had fun, but I kept thinking about those kids who couldn't afford it?? I had a real problem with the whole CEC idea (CFA would have been a better choice... and that's not just a biased opinion! It's more affordable for those families with multiple kids or stretchy pockets). You want parents to go spend at least $30 in food and tokens, yet we can't even ask them to give our classroom a box of tissues or hand sanitizer?? Where's the justice in that?

Last night, I saw 4 of my students at CEC (and 3 more went after I left)... out of 18. That's not a big representation. You should have seen the forlorn looks on some of the children who didn't go, and it broke my heart... and knowing a bit of their home lives, I know why.

Then we flip to the other side of the coin... parents who buy their children ridiculous name brand clothing and jewelry and give them snack money EVERY DAY (roughly 85 cents), but won't send in $1.25 for a special Powhatan Indian in-school field trip (with replica artifacts!!) from the Jamestown settlement that is ALL about our upcoming Benchmark exams. Where are the priorities??

Now, I do have one student (the newest one) for whom I will have no problem paying... R would be the only one though because she's in a foster home right now. (She had some behavior problems today which drove me NUTS!!) There are a few others that I might... but then there are those who... no.

Ms. T was saying that some of her parents already told her that they weren't sending in money because "why should they? It's in school." UGH! Hello, Jamestown settlement people are coming to show your kids some amazing things! They need to keep the program open... and it's ONLY one dollar and twenty-five cents-- that barely covers their gas and it's CHEAPER than an actual field trip! If it were $5, then I wouldn't have organized this-- that would be a bit much for a presentation! I'm trying very hard not to be judgmental, but when I hear comments like that, I get so peeved because they don't see how this will leave a lasting impression from something so simple. The kids get to touch Powhatan weapons, clothing, etc... they get to SEE it!

I think this summer I'm going to look into writing grants to fund some of the stuff I want my class to have... but then again, I need to use the grant I already earned... eek, it's almost spring, too. I have NO idea where to begin for gardening supplies.

Dangit!! I need to get that list together asap for the principal.

But first... need to go finish the Reading Remediation paperwork... oh, the fun! ... but I really want to go to sleep now... my eyes hurt. Hmm... I may have to give into the snooze temptation...
- Miss Chelsea :)

Fifteen eyes.

Thank goodness for MLK Jr. Day... three day weekend!!

I forgot to write a quote from a week or so ago that definitely needs documenting. It seems the most random funny stuff comes from students who aren't even in my class. They're in another second grade class... and they seem to always mention things that make me believe that they are listening in on my class and not their own. haha

Okay, readers, put on your imagination caps and imagine a really thick redneck accent, a really fair-skinned blonde boy with slightly protruding teeth... and you've got one of the funniest and sweetest boys ever in Ms. T's class. This is the same kid who at the very beginning of the year when the beetles were outside said "It's a HUMAN BEETLE!!"

"Yes, K?"
"Miss F, I just love your clothes! I can't remember what they're called though..."
"?? ... Oh, my capris??"
"Yes! I just love them! So good."
"Well, thank you, K. I appreciate that."
"You're welcome. [sagely nod]"

Another episode happened on Friday. K always raises his hand. Even when he's right in front of me. But when he raises that hand, I know he has something profound to say.

Turn your imagination caps onto the scene of Ms. T's class standing in line, waiting to return to their classroom. K shoots up his hand...

"Yes, K?"
"Miss F, these boys are saying not nice stuff about me. And I know!"
"??"
"I know because I've got big ears [[and yes, readers, he does]] and two eyes on the back of my head!"
[[Pardon this other interruption, but this is a clear case of "I've been listening to Miss F's class!"]]
"K, we must be twins! So do I! Fifteen of them!"
"[another sagely nod]"

Again, I live for these moments. I really hope one day when I'm a mother that I'll have hilarious kids like these. They really do make the world go 'round.

- Miss Chelsea :)

P.S. Here's a good news article on a study about personalities. I completely agree with it. I see it in my own students.

Don't scare the Verbs!

Nothing too big happened this week, except a little heated mis-agreement with the principal. We're slightly under pressure at the moment because the third graders aren't performing how people want them to. So... of course, it's now on the backs of us because we were the ones who "prepared" them. Rather annoying and quite frustrating. There are further more passionate details but I'd prefer not to plague my musings with them. It was a sour moment in the week, and now it's the weekend!

I did a "Verb Safari" today for Fun Friday (again, aka Frantic Friday). The kids LOVED it! I set the scene that we were in the C-1 Jungle with some very rare creatures... these creatures were called the "Verb Animals" and they were camouflaged like striped index cards. If they found one of these and it had a verb on its tummy then they had to write it down on their Safari Checklist. Oooh, I strictly enforced the two important rules, too.

1. Don't SCARE the Verbs! Tiptoe and whisper.
2. Put the Verbs back in their habitats!

The consequence was they'd get sent back to sit on the Safari Grass for the rest of the Hunt. These two kids from Mrs. A's class were adorable... they literally tiptoed everywhere. Pretty cute.

T and T's typical "I want to go home with you, Miss F" statement is kind of making me worry. They both say it a lot and are generally clingy kids... and it makes me wonder what's going on at home. As much as both Ts drive me up the WALL with their misbehavior, I can't help but think about it... even though for my own sanity, I try to repress it to some extent.

SOAPBOX MOMENT:
I'm kinda ticked at PPS in general because of all these "surprise" requirements they want me to do. I saved ALL the emails I got from HR before I accepted the offer because I had a feeling something might be up. Once they got me well and secured, they decided to say, "Oh, BTW, you need to do X, Y, and Z for VA licensure and for our district requirements." Uhhh, no, PPS, you CONFIRMED to me that I didn't need to do anything beyond my out-of-state certification and Praxis II. How convenient now that I inconveniently need to take more tests, create more portfolios, and give up my left kidney.

The only possibly-reassuring thing is that I really don't see myself in Virginia in 5 years... and that's the deadline for some of the requirements. QUIT SUCKING MONEY OUT OF ME, DEPTS. OF EDUCATION!! I have none!! I already paid nearly $900 just to get initial certification!! I have a lot of student debt!! I need a haircut!!

Perhaps I should boycott. Tell them that I'll take their tests if they pay one month of my student loans. ha! See how they like it.

Well, I'm moving my stuff out of storage tomorrow. I'm REALLY excited (and Feb. 1st can't come soon enough!). One more step closer to officially being moved in to my new beautiful condo. C's parents are driving down from Richmond to help... and Miss EB and Miss P will be helping as well. Thankfully, C's dad is coming because I have NO upper body strength whatsoever... so to try to carry a bookcase by myself would be quite the disaster. And I would have no more bookcase.

- Miss Chelsea :)

Teacher turned prophet.

I've had to explain many life lessons in my class. If they parrot me enough on how I tell someone to sit or how someone's behavior is not cute, then if I drum in these life lessons, surely they will parrot those as well. At least I hope??

We have been having a problem lately with people needing to apologize. Kids will say nasty things to each other, the offendees will tell me, the offenders will get stubborn. Neverending cycle.

So, when it happened on Friday, I stopped the class and gave Miss Chelsea's Life Lesson #12: "How to Apologize." It was received with nods and actual attentive eyes. And like usual, kids say the darnest things.

Me: "When you apologize to someone, you look them in the eyes, say sorry, and WHY you're sorry. If you JUST say sorry, then you could be apologizing that the sky is blue. [Insert kids' murmuring questions "why would you apologize for the sky?!"] And that's just not fair to the person you offended. If they accept your apology, then shake their hand to show friendship and sincerity."
T: "Miss F, did God tell you that?"
Me: "Well, I've had a lot of experience with apologies."
T: "I think God did. I'm going to ask [or talk to?] God."

So add on "prophet" to the many hats that I wear during the week. Never thought that would come up in public school.

- Miss Chelsea :)

The many types of liquids.

Since we're completing our "magnets" unit, I introduced "matter" and had students take out their notebooks to create a little web. We named "liquid, solid, and gas"... which apparently was a mere review from first grade.

Me: "What's an example of a liquid, boys and girls?"
M: "Juice!"
D: "Water!"
T: "Soda!"
Me: "Very good! Let's get one more example to write in our web. A, what is another liquid?"
A: "Beer!"

I wanted to laugh and go "what the"!? But every student went "OoOoOOOooooooo" and got large eyes, looking to him, looking to me... just waiting to see if there was going to be a scolding. Probably much to their surprise, I calmly told him, yes, it was a liquid but we won't put grownup stuff on our lists. We smiled, the tension dissipated, and they went merrily to filling out more examples.

The next moment was when we got to the "gas" category. You can imagine what a bunch of 7-8 year olds gave as an example. Try quieting them after that. :P

- Miss Chelsea :)

Dear Parents,

This is just a friendly note from your local teacher. My message is simple and straightforward. I give no sugar-coated statements or down-the-back-alley comments. My message simply bears the connotation of hope for providing your child with a smooth education. So without further ado...

BE NICE TO YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER!

Don't insult her teaching methods. If you feel you can come into the classroom and teach 17 children, nearly half of which are struggling learners and well below grade level, while instructing all 17 in life lessons that you're clearly not teaching at home, then PLEASE do come in and take my job. Actually, let me observe so I can become a better teacher. Yes, that would be wonderfully informative and enlightening.

Also, I really advise not insulting the teacher because it clearly shows why your child is a misfit and won't listen. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree... and that apple is a sour one to have in the classroom barrel. It's not appreciated because teachers have to deal with it 180 days of the year. Quite frankly, you are a contributor to the misery that plagues classrooms. How you treat others is how your child will treat authority and his/her peers. You are your child's most influential role model.

Choose your battles. Speak up when things are really important and really affect your child. Form a partnership with your child's teacher.

If you show that you are willing to work with the teacher and choose your words carefully and politely, the teacher WILL be more than happy to go the extra mile to ensure absolute success with your child. No matter how equal and fair teachers try to be, it's human nature to respond kindly to kindness.

If your goal is to break the enthusiastic spirit of a new teacher, then you will have killed a valuable resource. New teachers are in education to change lives with no jaded bitterness. We are not paid much, and your difficult attitude and backhanded remarks surely are not worth the pay. Again, I reiterate, NOT WORTH IT.

So, I hope that you take this into consideration when you write your notes and speak your words. Who do you really want to make it harder on? The teacher or your child? Honestly, they go hand in hand.

Have a wonderful day and may all your weekends be blissful and educational!

With love,
Miss Chelsea