Mountains out of molehills.

I would like to express my frustrations towards my grad school (GS). Though it's a great program with wonderful resources, I've had to deal with some loopholes to that statement. Because they are teachers, one would think that they would take into account the entire experience and not discount anything. To be as vague as possible, yes, I had some difficult communication with my CT at the beginning of the semester, but now, we have a great relationship. I wouldn't trade any of the experience for anything. I learned and am now carrying on as is everyone else BUT my GS. Now GS thinks that time was wasted and that I now need to either have 3 takeover weeks or cancel part of my vacation to stay an extra week (which is not going to happen, by the way, since money is already invested in it).

I just don't get it. I'm not the type of person who just blows off the entire semester because something didn't go the way I wanted it to. GS apparently doesn't know me very well. THAT IS MY LIFE STORY. I deal with it and strive to make it better; the past few years, I have been so good about not dwelling in the past. I now want to move forward and live in the present and future. GS, don't make me go there again!! I learned life lessons on how to better communicate and how to work with another teacher. What works, what doesn't work. Is that a lost situation? NO.

The email I sent in response to F's:

Dear F and M,
Thank you so much for contacting me. I appreciate the effort you are making for open communication and your concern.

In the beginning of the semester, it was a bit difficult for me with the miscommunication between Tracy and me. It was true that the mentorship and good ST-CT relationship was weak. However, amidst it, I still learned and I do not think the time went unwasted at all. Since the miscommunication has been cleared for quite some time now, T and I have a great relationship. I have felt more and more comfortable asking for advice, pulling resources, and just, in general, being in her classroom. I love feeding off of all of her ideas! Once we got to know each other a bit more, it has been a thriving environment. I feel very supported by her, M, and GS. It's a lot of life lessons that I'm thankful to learn now.

Like every student teacher, I have had a day here and there where it's difficult (admittedly, today was one of those days for personal reasons). On some of those, I have talked to M because she offered that door at the beginning, and I'm grateful for that. I come to her more as a young woman starting out and looking for a listening ear who has already been through what she has.

To help this communication between the three of us, I'm slightly confused on where the concern lies. I'm learning through trial and error and have had a bit more error than I would have liked this semester, but that does not discount my experience at all. I love where I am. I love M-R. I love my class. Also, I suppose I'm just unsure of the purpose of the meeting. Are there other concerns of that I'm unaware?

Thank you so much again. I hope to hear from you soon.
Hope you have a great day,
Chelsea :)

I know, I know people mean well, but to think that I'm in shambles and a mess because of some difficult days I have had, is just not true. This happens to student teachers all of the time. I thought I was more direct with saying that I'm NOT overwhelmed by the classroom; it's everything else in my life. It's personal, and quite honestly, it makes me uncomfortable that I would need to explain myself to GS. I briefly surfaced it with my supervisor, and I do worry that her well-intentioned concern has made this mountain since now the head of the practicum office is contacting me to set up a meeting to "discuss some of my supervisor's concerns." Are there other concerns of which I'm unaware? My CT doesn't even know. My supervisor is very adament about my staying 2 extra weeks, but she doesn't understand that I cannot do it. Vacation is booked, and I am going to South Carolina. We won't get into the fact that by that time, my full-prac portfolio will be turned in, my thesis will be accepted, my last and final MTEL will be taken, and I will have had my endorsement meeting... meaning I have no further obligations to GS.

I can completely relate to EB now with her GS problems. I'm still awaiting a reply back from the head woman about this "meeting."

In the meanwhile, my supervisor said something that was rang true to me. Throughout life, student teachers are typically told that they do really well, academically, or we wouldn't be at this point right now. But now, student teachers face situations/lessons that just don't work, and they instantly feel the failure. We're not used to tasting failure again in our adult lives (we're more sensitive to it than kids who just get right back up and try another way). It comes as a shock because "oh no, we have to relearn everything." I don't like this sense of failure (though I KNOW I'M NOT a failure); I just hate the bitter taste of it in my heart and realize that the trials are necessary but make me very weary and doubtful.

When you know that teaching is only your short term life goal, it pains you to think you have to go through all of this just to get to your long term life goal of becoming a mom.

It's Easter weekend, and I'm very thrilled. I can catch up on work and try to get myself refocused on what really matters in life.

- Miss Chelsea :)